My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
