filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
