and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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