I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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