so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
