So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
