How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
