"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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