My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
You smell like stripper and shame
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
