Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
