I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
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