im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
