I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
im drinking this country out of the recession.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
