My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize