How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
