I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
