between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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