and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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