Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize