if i can run in heels then i can drive
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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