from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
