i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
