im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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