tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
