Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
