omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
