before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
