If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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