We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My hand turned me down
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
