When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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