did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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