Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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