we were pretty classy up until the second keg
my shit smells like andre
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
