I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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