look no pants
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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