I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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