i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
