Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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