and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
