All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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