I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize