I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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