I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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