? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
