what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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