zippers are such a cool invention
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
