i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize