yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize