I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
