there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Found your dick twin last night
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Randomize