First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
All the doctor said was why
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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