I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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