Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
