I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
