I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
