How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
