Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
