he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
