I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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