Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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