I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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