you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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