how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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