hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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