listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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